| And then, I ran back to see...the post. |
[Mar. 8th, 2009|01:02 am] |
Hello, kiddies. The Wild Man here, for another dose of mapcap hijinks.
Actually, I'm not in a very mapcap state of mind. It takes a certain amount of effort to work onself into the frenzy needed to gain sheer joy from BOUNCING!!! Not that I'm depressed, I'm just sort of tired. This sort of work is very taxing, after all.
I roll out on missions on a daily basis. This week I've gotten 2-3 hours of sleep per day. (Non-consecutively, of course.) It's the only way to live, truly. Oh well, at least I get a modicum of respect for the simple fact that I'm one of the breathing bodies that show up every day that KNOWS HIS JOB. I swear, you'd think that a good portion of the people I work with never went to Basic at all. Not to mention AIT. (That's Advanced Individual Training for you non-military types. You learn, or at least you're SUPPOSED to learn, your job-related skills there.)
Focus is desired, but severely lacking. It's not that the job is hard, not at all. They just seem to take greater satisfaction by standing around looking like idiots all day. I'm not kidding, either. Literally standing around for hours on end.
Now that that particular bitch-session is over, I leave you in peace. |
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| Once, Twice, Three times flammable... |
[Jul. 9th, 2008|10:22 pm] |
Heh. How's everyone doing out there on the interweb thingy? Lovely weather we're having. For some reason, every time I picture a 3d interface for being online, I'm always picturing St. Louis. Maybe it's just because my imagination is shot in that particular area.
Attempted to go on a speed dating thing tonight. The army holds events for single soldiers, hoping that they'll get married. Apparently, suicide and discharge rates are highest among 18-25 yr. old single soldiers. It was a complete bomb. Almost nobody showed up, so My friends and I left without even sampling the free drinks.
Some of you might be asking me why I went to that event. Why someone who doesn't want children would be attempting to hook up with someone. Kids and a relationship are two different things. Also, I've never done it before, so why not?
That's about it for now. The abysmal failure of the army to, yet again, hold any kind of decent event for single soldiers has reminded me just how alone I've been since my girlfriend left me in 06. I'd had sex since then, but I kind of miss having someone to hold.
Meh, self-pity claptrap. |
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| Knock me out every time they touch me... |
[Jul. 1st, 2008|08:00 pm] |
Another Day.
Working on July 4th. Volunteered for it so someone else wouldn't have too. I'm such a tool.
Yeah, small sentances. Don't feel like elaborating. Or doing much of anything, really. I'm out of power, like a damn double-a.
Have a good one, for what it's worth. |
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| Suppose I was to tell you something life-shattering...? |
[Jun. 24th, 2008|09:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Newark, New Jersey | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Pink, Pink Spiders (Don't ask me why I have two things named pink. I don't know. | ] |
Hallo.
Yeah, with my schedule, posting every day simply will not happen.
Work, as always, sucks. Am I going to go into it? Not much. My immediate superior has gone insane with power, but I think he's starting to realize that. You never know, I might not have to take him out back and beat the rank off him. Still too early to tell. I'm ending up staying late each day. I'm talking, half-an-hour to two hours past when work is 'supposed' to end. Oh well, it's part of the job. The people who freak out about it are starting to drive me nuts. Go get a normal job, so you can quit that one too.
George Carlin died recently.
That hit me bad. I can understand why I would react poorly. One of my earliest memories is listening to my Mom's old Carlin tapes. I considered him the loudmouthed grandfather I always wanted. Reading his bio on Wikipedia really brought back old memories. Thing's I've been dwelling on lately. Pre-1993 stuff, which I normally can't remember. Wondering about what was... and what might be again. I resolved many years ago to never have any biological children. My line of genetics is dying with me, that's what I decreed. No male on my father's side of the family have been worth squat as a human being, to the furthest extant of my knowledge.
That realization has shaped most of my life. People think I don't date because I'm nervous. I am, but not for the reason they think. I don't give a damn what people think of me. I'm just scared I'll let them down. |
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| Witty subject material here... |
[Jun. 18th, 2008|10:00 pm] |
Yes, I know what I said Monday.
I was sick Tuesday, alright? Quit effing bugging me about it, ya damned HARPIES!
Actually, I didn't hear so much as a peep. No one reads this, like I've always said.
Ah, well. Moving on...
A hypocrite is an...almost magical thing. Not the act of being a hypocrite, because everyone's a hypocrite at some time of their life or another. The amount of self-deceit required to maintain the illusion that you aren't lying to yourself. I can't understand that. To say that what you just said wasn't a threat, when everyone you were speaking to will say it is. To pretend to answer a question, when in reality you're only throwing a lot of buzzwords out there and repeating yourself a couple times. You say you observe, I observe. I watch you more in-depth-ly than you probably do to any of us. A walking double-standard with delusions of grandeur. Say one thing, mean another. I did what you said, I get in trouble for not doing what you MEANT. I do what I think you mean, and get in trouble for not doing only what you said. 'Communicate Consistently' means nothing to you. Uninformed is my default mode.
I think that's quite enough complaining. You won't listen to me, you've told me so. About as easy to talk to as a Barney doll. Sure, you smile and listen, but telling you my problems does about as much good. But then again, that's probably what you're going for. Hoping no one tells you anything serious, so you can keep skating by, full of the belief that you're making my crew better people. I think it's safe to say that everyone who works under you despises you now. You're a joke, a child who has to come up with new ways to annoy everyone around him to feel important.
The sad part is, you didn't always used to be like this. What happened? What changed you from someone who cares to someone who it seems like he gets a sick little kick out of other's suffering? Useful to worthless...
What makes a leader? Every person I've asked has given me a generally similar answer. "The ability to get people to do things they don't want to do only because you told them to" is what it boils down to. I don't think that's quite right. I'll do things I don't want to do, if you're a good leader, because I respect you, and you wouldn't be sending me off to do meaningless piddly shit without reason. I would follow you, not out of any forced duty, but from a genuine desire to be lead by you. Some people say that respect is a two-way street. You have to give it to get it. From what I've seen, a truer statement has never been uttered. The people I've wanted to go to the grave for weren't mindless. They were the ones who treated me like I might have something important to contribute, not that I was just another faceless drone to order around. Do you know how many people come to me on a daily basis only wanting to know things? Not that this makes any difference. Equality doesn't mean you treat everyone like shit, because then you don't have to worry about special needs. Treat with people based on their merits, what you know they can contribute, not with the preconception that every person you know is inherently inferior! That pisses me off to such a ridiculous degree that it's not in the slightest bit amusing to talk about. See each person as a new oppourtunity, not to create a clone of youself, but to enhance and improve upon the next generation through subtle insight. The leaders of tomorrow don't need their lessons force-fed to them on some pseudo-philosophical belief that every person is guilty. Work with them. You'll be surprised at what you find. |
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| I'm a whiny little bitch, aren't I? |
[Jun. 16th, 2008|07:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Seaside, Oregon | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  complacent | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Generic Background Music. (That's the name of my 6+ hour playlist.) | ] |
Yup yup, I'm here again. Save the applause.
Whining to imaginary people never helps, does it? I say imaginary because I know no one's looked at this damned LJ in a year and a half. This of course begs the questioning of my motives behind continuing to post after all this time.
Meh.
That's it. I'm posting mainly because I told you people that I was going to post every day, and I damned well intend to stick to that.
Moving on...
How do you easily tell someone who's in a higher position than you at work that he's gone completely batshit fucking bonkers? Completely hypothetically, of course. |
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| Meh, then what happened? |
[Jun. 15th, 2008|10:14 pm] |
Another Day, Another Post.
I'm seriously attempting to make this a daily thing. You know, constant updates. I'm hoping this'll be some kind of therapy, because I've been really fucked up lately.
Normally, I don't talk about my emotional state, but something's been going on with me, and it's messing my world up. I can't focus. Everything either agitates me, or makes me want to slice myself open. I don't know why, it's just that everything seems so...overwhelming lately. I'm fallin' friggin apart here. I've always been an emotional person, probably because nobody in my family ever went for that 'strong, silent' archetype, but it's like I'm going haywire. Once every six months I'll break down into a crying fit. Not that that's not me, but I thought joining the army and getting out of all the drama in my hometown would help. I am involved in a lot less drama here, truthfully speaking, but it doesn't seem to be helping. Life itself is making me fall apart, now.
You probably didn't know this, but I'm a control freak. Not other people, mind you, but myself. I hate being out of control of my own actions, even for a second. That's why I don't drink or smoke. To feel a craving would drive me up the wall because I wouldn't have any control over it. Drinking terrifies me. The few times I've done it I've been told that I become an anal-retentive asshole focused on his own physical reaction. I can't have any fun when I'm around other people, because I'm scared to lower my defenses. I've gotten so used to the facade I wear that when I get the chance to lower it, I'm immediately suspicious. Yes, I can act the fool with the best of them, but that's all it is, acting. I don't think I've had an honest laugh in months. I laugh at what's supposed to be funny, go along with whatever I think people expect me to believe.
I've built this masterpiece of a personality. He's deep, caring, arrogant and sarcastic. Everyone's his friend, to a certain extant, and he gets along with the rest of them. People think he's funny, intelligent, and witty to a fault. His emotions rage from one side of the spectrum to the other. He takes risks, pushes boundries, and charges ahead, taking many of his weaker-willed compatriates along for the ride. In short, a fun guy to be around.
And he's complete fiction.
Well, not complete... He's me, to the extant that I ever could be, if I wasn't so scared of myself. Scared of what I might do the instant the leash is lowered. Scared because I've seen the worst my bloodline can do, and it frightens me. I'll try to make sure I'll never be like that, but I'm not sure. That little bit of the unknown keeps me grounded. I call it safe, other people call it stagnant. Or they would, if I ever spoke of this to anyone.
I guess that's why I like this format. It allows me to say things I'd never say to someone's face, and not keep it all inside. People can even read it. No one does, but the thought is nice.
I'm so scared all the time, nervous of what I say, how I react, terrified that something I'll do will be wrong...
Maybe I can't be helped... |
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| Short And Sweet |
[Jun. 14th, 2008|03:43 pm] |
Updated my Http://valincio.deviantart.com
You can see some of my best shit there now. |
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| So there I was, tied naked to an office chair... |
[Jun. 14th, 2008|02:32 pm] |
And here it goes again, kiddies. The first update in over a year and a half. It's not like anyone important read this, but oh well.
Let's see....let's see....what's been going on with me....
Not a damn thing. I'm in the army now, I'm not saying where I'm stationed, what my rank is, or even if I'm going to deploy because some pretty fucked up people are reading this, apparently. (Check the comments on the 'get my fat lazy ass...' post)
Some of you may wonder why I posted that response. Trust me that when I say even if my *ugh* Father were to come to me begging for forgivness and understanding, I would do things to him that would make the parties of the Marquis De Sade look like a WIVES BOOK CLUB!! The words pain and unmitigated anguish spring instantly to mind. I am not, nor have I ever been a vindictive person. Forgive and forget is my motto. But that's only concerning me. That...thing hurt my family. Blood is thicker than water, except when it will fall like water, if you catch my meaning. I have been told to my face that I have the patience of a Buddha, but for him there is none of that, only red hate. Congrats, DaD, you are one of the few people on this earth with the power to put me into a berserker rage. Gods, typing just doesn't allow one to put the full emphasis behind his own words.
Gods, let's continue, and put mindless anger aside, shall we? Basic character info, for my eventual portrayal on the silver screen.
Personality: Conflicted to the point of inaction on the worst days. Twisted sense of humor, and way too smart for his own good. Miserable, suicidal, homicidal, and the medication doesn't work. Capable of beating somebody senseless, and believes in a personal code of ethics that has an overdeveloped section devoted to Justice and Revenge.
Religion: So damn convoluted that it doesn't make sense to HIM on the best days. Let's just say he's pagan.
Kids: No. Never gonna happen. Thanks again, Mike, but I'd rather not sire another generation of THIS bloodline. You're particular brand of Schrauth will DIE WITH ME.
Any Recent Photos: No. Another schtick in a long legacy of paranoia left behind from my parents. Don't trust the man, or anyone you're related too!
So that's it, for now. I originally intended for this to be a short, happy 'I'm Back!' kind of thing, but that's not how it turned out. (Yeah, I just read that comment my sperm donor left before starting for the 1st time.) Suffice it to say that the person who was writing on this has long since been dead and buried. The military, and a long road of self-discovery have changed me. Maybe not much to those of you who only notice my facade, but to me, it's enough.
That's it for now.
No more funny little quips at the end. Maybe later, but for now I don't feel like it. So piss off. |
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| That's an Update, all right. |
[Sep. 26th, 2006|12:57 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | None | ] |
Hey. This'll make my lucky number twelve post. Why is it lucky? I dunno.
I am tired out of my mind right now. I can barely focus on the keyboard. Mainly, I'm typing from memory.
So, all of you pwoplw who're going to watch the St. Louis Cardinals on Sunday, I'm going to be there, swearing in on the field before the start of the game. Merf, It's something to do, and I haven't been to the new stadium. It's a free ticket, people.
Just not much to talk about. I'm coughing and wheezing, I'm hoping the working out will take care of that. I've gotta stop hanging around those damn smoking friends of mine. I like 'em a lot, but I'm not going to sacrafice my health and future for them.
My girl broke up with me. Couldn't wait for me in the armed forces. Meh, it happens.
Peace. (I can't think up an 'and remember' right now. I'm going to go to bed now.) |
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| Another Day, Another...Update?! |
[Sep. 14th, 2006|10:19 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | None. | ] |
Hey. How're you all doing? Got big news.
October 17, the Wild Man ships out to join the United States Armed Forces. That makes me so happy. This is what I've been trying to do you about six months. Finally got my weight under control. To get in shape, I've been doing pushups and situps, as well as running a mile and walking a mile back.
When October comes, they won't have a reason to get rid of me.
I'm really ecstatic. I guess that doesn't show in print, does it?
In other news, My book is on hold. (3 guesses why) I'll come back to it when I have time. Oh, and I changed the title. Previously, it was just a teeny-bit too inflammatory. The new title is, "The Anger Monologues: A hilarious insight into the mind of someone who just doesn't care." I know it's long, but now I don't piss anyone off!
I'm... oddly empty. I know I should be feeling dread and excitement, all I feel is...empty. Oh well, that'll go away when I start getting yelled at by people in circular hats. :)
Peace, and remember, Eventually, everyone is bound to have a good day. Don't try to fight it, you'll only anger the Problem Gods. |
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| Wow, He must REALLY not have anything else to do! |
[Sep. 5th, 2006|11:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  worried | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Fields of Gold, by Sting | ] |
Hey kids. It's Mo. I know it's been a while. I've been busy, cut me some slack.
Got some news. Mom's had surgery. Let her recover, or by the Gods I swear I'll make you pay. You think I'm kidding? I'm willing to push jailtime if it means my mother gets some peace and quiet.
I seem standoffish, don't I? Bad day... I know, I'll talk about something good. I met a girl. I'm not going to tell you her name, so don't even ask. Let's just say I'm very happy to have her, and long-distance relationships are a bitch.
Circular publishing time. I have a deviantart site. You can finally see large pictures of me. (I know, you're all a-flutter at THAT proposal) You can find it at http://valincio.deviantart.com
Heh. Oh well, I think I'm gonna try out for American Idol tommorow.
Peace, and remember, no matter what happens, life will go on without you. |
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| It's been brought to my attention... |
[Aug. 20th, 2006|10:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | complacent | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Future Freaks Me Out-Motion City Soundtrack | ] |
Hey. It's been brought to my attention that a lot of livejournals have lists of anime the writers like and dislike. I think I'm going to do the same.
Anime I like:
Cowboy Bebop-Just a fun show.
Bleach-I agree with the main character's outlook.
Trigun-Vash is a deity.
Serial Experiments Lain-Kinda creepy, skullfuckingly cool.
s-CRY-ed-Again, a case of agreeing with one of the main characters. (Kazuma)
Soul Taker-Great theme song, animated nicely, good story.
FLCL-Crazy and fun. Deeper than everyone thinks.
Hellsing-Alucard is a pretty good representation of a psychopath working for the 'right' side.
Rurouni Kenshin-Has the conflicted hero part down perfectly. Incredible story.
Nadiesco-Hilarious at times, serious at others. A show that doesn't take itself too seriously.
Ranma 1/2-the original insane transgender story. The one all others take credit for. Ranma did it right.
Read or Die-C'mon, ain't that the cutest little heroine you ever did see?
Slayers-Funny story, good pacing.
Anime I (Actively) don't like-
Full Metal Alchemist-I have my reasons for this one.
Eureka 7-I don't like the story. Hackneyed tripe.
Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex-GitS was an incredible movie. After one episode, I can't watch the show anymore.
There are more I don't like, but'll watch anyway. Those are just the one's I actually attempt to avoid. Feel free to comment, freaks. Feedback is appreciated.
That's all for now, I have webcomics to read.
Peace!
And remember, just because you try, doesn't mean you'll win. Look at the National Democratic Party. |
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| When all else fails...Update! |
[Aug. 9th, 2006|12:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | None. I'm in silence... | ] |
Hey people. Trust me, I know nobody reads this. That's alright. I just feel better when I express my feelings.
I know what you're thinking. "Wow, no cursing or sarcasm? What's wrong?" Nothing, I'm just...tired...
Going to join the army in a couple weeks. Wow, that came out of left field. I'm trying to finish my book first. I've got a lot of pages finished, Here's to hoping it can get published. The title is "I May Just Be a Terrorist" It's essentially the ravings of a self-deluded megalomaniac.
I don't have much else to update...
Peace... |
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| WTF?! An update? |
[Jun. 20th, 2006|05:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | None. Why'd I turn it off? | ] |
That's right, Ladies & germs. We have ourselves an honest-to-god update.
Let's see...parents could be dying, I'm an uncle for the 3rd time...blasé, blasé, blasé. Not important. Well...important, but not something I'm going to tell you about. My 'trust' issues again. Heh.
In other news...
well...
not much...
I did get to go on a 5 day camping disas...uhh.. I mean...Camping trip. Had fun, sometimes. Realized a friend of mine was going to be molested by Sean Connery (Long story. I don't hate you Mr. Connery. Quite the opposite. You Are My God! *bow*)
Speaking of the famous scottish actor...
Did you know he's still considered one of the sexiest men alive. I completely agree. Women throw themselves at him. I would, but I'm kinda heavy and might hurt him. (If hurting Sean Fucking Connery were possible. I honestly believe there's a picture of him somewhere getting plainer and plainer, to counterpart that man's sex appeal.)
Ah, well. Take care all.
And remember, If you don't have any friends now, just think of how many people will show up at your funeral!
Peace! |
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| Hey, Kids and Freaks. |
[Feb. 19th, 2006|03:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | apathetic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | None | ] |
What's up?
I know, I've not been updating lately. That's probably because I'm busy.
Doing OTHER SHIT. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you put little things like this aside.
For instance, I'm working on my 2nd book (1st was a complete and utter failure.)
If I ever finish it, I'll give all of you a chance to buy it, K? All 0.00712 of you out there who read this.
Ah, well.
Moving on, some of you may have noticed that I don't talk about myself that often. Paranoia is a wonderful thing. The closest you're getting from me are vague references only someone who knows me would get. Get the bat, Let's ride.
Heh. Naw, I like you all, really. I just don't 'trust' like you. Get it? Good.
For now? Peace!
And Remember, when life gives you lemons, sell them at 1.50 a pop and buy some cheap booze. |
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| Hey Look, a Distraction! |
[Feb. 2nd, 2006|09:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | apathetic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Fallout Boy, The Darkness, Sting, Rod Stewart | ] |
Hello Kiddies. Another little dose of the Wild Man. Anyone who knows me (i. e. the people who don't know this exists) would also know that I read. A Lot. Reading is what has kept me from slashing my own or other people's jugulars. Mostly I tend to read fiction, not much with less than 500 pages. On occasion, a nonfiction fits it's way in, but only if, by my myriad standards, I find it interesting. Well, I've decided to attempt to live on the other side of the pen. Thats right, I'm writing my very own fantasy novel. Like the fictional people who read this care.
In case you're interested, it's a story about a goblin, named Juug. It takes place in the Forgotten Realms, which already has a vast amount of printed works. Here's to hoping I place among the greats like Elaine Cunningham, R. A. Salvatore, Ed Greenwood, Gary Gygax, Troy Denning, etc. If anyone wants to read it, email me at Talisean@hotmail.com, or comment here. I'll put up pieces. Remember, this is my work, so please to plagerize. I'll awaken my Legions of Evil if you copy me.
Peace, and remember, when somebody says life isn't pain, they're usually selling something. (Do as I say, not as I do) |
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| Get My Fat Lazy Ass on Wikipedia! |
[Jan. 24th, 2006|10:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  productive | ] |
That's right, I'm trying to get on Wikipedia, so I'm going to use this as a reference site.
My name, Moshe Caswell Schrauth
Birth Date 11-15-1986
Occupation: Poet
Location: Missouri, Usa.
Also, everything said on the Wikipedia site is true. Email me with questions at:
Talisean@hotmail.com
Got it? Now, here's an original work by me, the Wild Man.
Please
By: Moshe Schrauth
Please no I love you
Don't make me go away
Far away
Please stop my pain
My searing heart
Heartless Lies
Please stay with me
Keep me close
close forever
Please hold me back
One with you
You alone
Please put down the phone
Police won't help
Help you now... |
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| It's been a bit... |
[Jan. 17th, 2006|05:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | None | ] |
Hope any of you sadistic fucks who read this got a kick out of the new year. I'm kind of tired right now, so I won't be posting much today. Just this, probably.
Peace, and remember, Trust the man who's holding a brick and smiling. He usually knows how to solve the problem. |
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